Fat, 41, but not quite dead

I’m a schlub.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this. I’m not lazy, though I’d like to be, but if you can imagine what the word schlub might look like, I’m it. A big doughy dude. I’ve been a big doughy dude since I found out a meal plan in college was all-you-can-eat. And, then the drinking plan at night was all-you-could-drink. I can do both quite well. I mean, decades of practice good.

I love to eat. I mean, I really love food. And not that frou-frou crap. I like a good hearty Irish meal, meat and potatoes with a healthy side of dessert. Snacks. Mmmmm…. snacks.

Sweet tooth? Check!

The real problem is I’ve never been able to use all those calories as fuel. So I convert them to fat. Blubbery, disgusting, killer fat.  I’ve read all the studies. I know that quickly on the heels of smoking, alcohol and drugs, getting fat is a sure way to a dirt nap. Made even worse if you never get exercise.

At the beginning of 2014, I decided to make some changes.

1) Moderate my crap intake. I’m not going to become a bean sprout eater yet, but cutting out fast food and dialing down the white grains is my start.

2)  Get my ass in gear.

There’s nothing a schlub likes better than a chair. And I have several. The chair at work I’m chained to for 10 hours a day. And there’s a variety of comfy seating at my home, which I enjoy riding for hours of TV and Xbox.

But here’s the thing, I don’t want to be a big doughy couch rider. I love to play sports. I love to move around. I love to go out for walks. I’m a middle-aged man with a career and a family; guess what I don’t do much of?

I’ve tried. I’ve joined more gyms in my life than I’ve had jobs or girlfriends (though the latter shouldn’t be that surprising).

So after years of exercise failure, I’ve decided to bring out the big guns. I’ve joined a CrossFit box. Not because I’ve watched the CrossFit Games on ESPN. Not because I’m looking to become an elite athlete. No, I’ve come to CrossFit1Force for one reason: community.

Fortunately, I went to high school with the owner, Erin Kelly. Until three weeks ago, she and I hadn’t seen each other in 20 years, though weirdly we had been traveling in the same career circles. However, she and I have stayed in touch via Facebook for quite a while.  She began her CrossFit box three years ago in her garage. All the while, I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching success story after success story blossom through 1Force. From her home confines, CrossFit1Force now occupies a huge facility in West Deptford, N.J., boasting hundred of members.

On January 1, 2014, I made a fateful decision. After three years of finding excuses not to join, I would stop dragging my feet. A few weeks later, I stopped by on cold Friday night and caught up with my pal and she laid it out for me. It’s time to begin.

So today I did. And it was great. I haven’t worked out this hard since high school football. In the future weeks I’ll talk more about what I’ve done, and why I think CrossFit will work for a loner like me. (Psst… that’s the key by the way, no great success truly ever happened alone. But more of that in later posts.)

Am I going to be committed to this? I don’t know. I hope so. But yesterday I did something I’ve never done before. I took a “before” picture and recorded my measurements. I won’t abuse you by showing you the before pic. Maybe if there’s an awesome “after” pic you’ll see it someday. For now, I’ll just fill you in on the measurements.

Weight: 251 lbs. (on a 6′ 2″ frame)
Chest: 47 inches
Waist:  49 inches
Hips: 47 inches
(Geez, I’m an apple)
Neck: 17.5 inches
Arms: 14.5 inches
Forearms: 12 inches
Thighs: 26 inches

Some of these need to go up. Some of these need to go down. But it isn’t going to happen alone. It’s going to take village.